Desperate or confident?
If a person you barely know asks you out on a date, would you consider them as confident or desperate? (For the purposes of this blog entry, let’s just define ‘date’ as two people meeting to get to know one another with the intention of perhaps developing a romantic relationship after a few more dates down the line).
I’m one of those people who sit on the train, read the mX, and laugh at people who write into the ‘Here’s looking at you’ section. There are a lot of things I don’t believe in, and one of them is love at first sight *cue vomiting sounds*
[Edit: for those who don’t know, the mX is a commuter newspaper that’s distributed at train stations in Sydney. There’s a section called ‘Here’s looking at you’, which is where commuters write in to profess their love for other commuters that they find attractive on trains, stations, anywhere else. For example, “Girl with the red shoes on the 4:04 train from Central, you’re gorgeous, pls have mah babiez.”]
I think people are kidding themselves when they say “Don’t be shy, come and talk to me” in some of the posts. Honestly, if some random on the train approached you and said out of the blue, “You’re beautiful, coffee?”, would you consider this normal behaviour? Realistically, how many people would say “Okay, see you tomorrow at 4:00 at wherever, even though I have no idea who you are”? Am I the only person who thinks there is some element of creepiness on the part of the asker and some element of stupidity on the answerer here?
And then there are those other people who have a ‘legitimate’ reason to talk to you, but you wouldn’t even consider them an ‘acquaintance’. I’m talking about salesmen, those people who harass you on the street to join charities, customers, people in the clubs/bars or just ‘some guy/girl you know but not really’. These are the kind of people who start off with fulfilling their purpose (or pretend purpose) such as selling you something, asking for answers to homework, etc, then make some small talk unrelated to their purpose to break the ice, and then after maybe two and a half minutes of conversation, they’ll ask you out on a date (coffee, lunch, dinner, skydiving, whatever).
My honest opinion is that I’d never accept a date from someone I hardly know, and this isn’t because I necessarily think it’s creepy. (And yes, I know this is probably how the real world works and how grown ups get to know each other which eventually leads to having babies, but I live in a pretty crazy fantasyland of ideals of which you’ll hear about shortly). The reason I’d probably never accept a date from someone I don’t know is because I feel conscious about what they think about me, or I’m worried that they expect me to marry them or something. If I’m not friends with someone, I can’t be myself, so a date with someone I hardly know would probably consist of me smiling and nodding and laughing nervously at the person’s jokes whilst the thought ‘This is so awkward, someone give me a gun’ runs through my head.
I sometimes get advice like, “You should go on dates – you don’t have to become their girlfriend, but give them a try.” I can’t bring myself to do this. Romance and love, to me, is something that should be earned through trust first – it shouldn’t be the other way around. And we all know earning another’s trust is a long process. I feel that allowing a stranger a date is like letting them win without a fight. And don’t give me the BS friendzone argument – someone letting their intentions come off too strongly in the ‘getting to know you’ stage is a turn off, in my opinion. I like to be friends with everyone so that I can be myself and it’ll probably only be after friendship that I’d consider anything more.
Also, the fact that people ask for and accept dates from people they barely know just goes to show how shallow society is, in my opinion. Because face it, 99.99% of the time, someone is only interested in a stranger because they’re good-looking, and this also applies if the person getting asked accepts. I hear the phrase “If he’s hot, then it’s not creepy” when a stranger is interested in a girl, or vice versa. Really, has our society sunk this low that we base our better judgment of people on looks? Does nobody believe that good-looking people can be jerks/bitches? Is it really that impossible to believe that there is such thing as a good-looking serial killer? Oh no, of course not, only smelly and ugly people are creeps or potential criminals! Honestly, where is real romance these days? Isn’t it much better to look beyond physical appearance and ask someone out based on the fact that you like their personality and that you get along well with them? And yep, you guessed it, getting to know someone’s personality and interests, in my opinion, is much more effective when you are friends.
This is just what I think and what I’d do. I don’t frown or judge people who can do this, because I know a lot of happy couples who’ve been together for a long time after meeting in this manner. Some people find the confidence attractive, not creepy/desperate. But for reasons above, I’d never consider it.
Feel free to leave thoughts, even if you disagree.