Most commonly used rejection techniques

Are you sick of having to think of easy yet considerate ways to reject someone? Is someone interested in you but you aren’t interested in them? Are you unsure of how to handle unwanted romantic advances made on you? Are you sitting by the phone every moment of the  day, hoping for someone to confess to you just so that you could reject them but don’t know what to say when it happens? Look no further, this is the post for you!

For those who are lucky or unlucky enough to have another person advance non-mutual romantic intentions on them, they would know that it’s very difficult to be firm about their disinterest yet at the same time considerate of the other person’s feelings. From my own experiences and from others’ experiences, I have observed some of the most common “techniques”, perhaps I’d even go so far as to say “excuses”, not to date someone else.

I shall now discuss my findings in excruciating detail. I hope you find my love advice column helpful to your situation and follow my every advice step by step if you are confused and unsure of how to go about rejecting someone, even if you don’t agree with me. I watched a Youtube clip about psychiatry once, read a few fanfics about love, and meddled in the affairs of others numerous times, therefore I’m extremely experienced.

“I’m not interested in dating”

The aim of this line is to make the other person believe that you would reject everyone who would ask you out and not just that person, so that they don’t feel completely worthless – they’re just as worthless as everyone else, that’s all. Of course, this line is more accurately translated to “I’m not interested in dating you“, but you’re too nice and considerate to say that (to their face, anyway).

The only valid/believable reasons as to why someone genuinely is not interested in a relationship with anybody is because they are one or more of the following:

– Asexual (i.e. does not have the desire to mate with anyone of either gender, as opposed to heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, etc);
– Career driven. Meaningful relationships would only get in the way of more important things like lots of  money, a nice house, a nice car and climbing corporate ladders to get more money, houses and cars;
– Thinking of being, in the process of being, or already are a priest, nun, brother, monk, Willy Wonka, or some other profession where romantic relationships are not allowed
– A nerd who is too focussed on studying and getting good grades to the extent they wouldn’t know how to handle the pressure of paying attention to another human being without getting anything lower than a high distinction average

If you are not any of these things and use the above line, you will most likely give off the impression that you are one of the above and you probably don’t want that.

Furthermore, this line may backfire when you actually find someone you do want to date (especially within a short period after you’ve used the line). This is because when the person you used it on finds out you’re with someone else, they will know you were just making up excuses. They will eventually come to the conclusion that you’re a liar, or alternatively just be extremely hurt because they’ll know they weren’t good enough for you and have the urge to kill you or themselves. Nice going, nice guy/girl.

If you’re going to use this line, at least try to add on “at the moment” to “I’m not interested in dating”. That way, you leave it ambiguous as to when you might resume your interest in a relationship, so that when you do find someone else, it’s not as bad. Still bad though. (But really, you may change your mind tomorrow … they won’t know that unless they ask you out every single day, which of course they won’t unless they’re a psychopath).  Oh great, how did this post become a tutorial on how to deceive people…?

“I only see you as a friend”

Now, I’m not questioning the validity of people’s friendships – seeing someone as a friend, I believe, is a valid excuse because the other person just isn’t “romantically compatible” with you (possibly because of one or more of the following: they aren’t good-looking enough for you, there is something about their personality you don’t like, too old/young for you, you don’t agree with their stance on abortion/global warming/genocide/other issues, or some other unattractive feature). It’s only when someone attaches “It would ruin our friendship if we got together” or “It would be weird and awkward if we ever broke up” that I think is a load of crap because it’s just simply a stupid excuse (see this post for more details as to why).

“I only see you as a friend” is a nice and non-deameaning way to let someone down (I think) because they can join the dots themselves and by then, it’s not your problem anymore. You aren’t lying or deceiving them or trying to make excuses – you are telling the truth (albeit in a sugarcoated manner). I’m really trying to think of a con about this line, but in my opinion it’s the least problematic of all the lines in the world.

Of course, if you actually think the person who is making a move on you is an annoying, sleazy, selfish, stupid jerky jerk face (or bitchy bitch face for girls), and you don’t want anything to do with them – don’t use this line because the “friend” status entitles them to stick around and continue to annoy you. If they’re really just conceited or desperate, I believe you don’t need to consider their feelings if they don’t consider yours so don’t bother trying to sugarcoat rejection. Really, you are allowed to choose your friends. Don’t tell someone you see them as a friend if what you really mean is you see them as an annoying stick in your spleen.

Also, rejecting someone may leave them very emotionally unbalanced if they really liked you. Even if you did say you only see them as a friend and think to yourself “Hey, friends talk to each other, right? I’m going to invite them over and we can do each other’s hair!”, I think you should respect them and let them talk to you when they’re ready. You have plenty of other friends. Go annoy one of them instead.

Not doing anything/stall tactics

The only pro for this is that you get out of doing something hard and can keep up with the charade that nothing happened. Yes, continuing on like you’re still friends and pretending that things aren’t weird will work for a little while and hanging onto this false sense of security is great. But I guess this means that if your dog died, you’d still keep feeding it and taking its corpse for walks around the park, right? As long as everything’s fine in your head, it’s fine for everyone else, right? RIGHT????

When you are doing nothing and stalling after someone confesses their love to you, it’s like you’re a doctor saying “I will now open this envelope of test results to reveal to you whether you have terminal cancer or not… later”, putting the envelope in their pocket and talking about other things like the weather.

Cutting off all contact as a sign of rejection

Well, I guess if you were to sever all forms of communication with someone following a confession, they’d get the hint right? It’s kind of like a job application, right? You send it in, if they don’t reply to you it means you didn’t get it … right?

I think that’s a pretty cowardly way of rejecting someone. Grow a pair and reject them like you mean it!! With words! Everyone deserves an answer after they mustered up the courage to ask you out – you could at least acknowledge that and muster the courage to tell the truth. As you can tell, I am a big fan of telling the truth.

Conclusion

I hope next time you reject someone, you’ll think of your words and actions carefully. There’s no clean way to reject someone. If you don’t like any of the above tips for rejecting someone, you can always take Homer Simpson’s rejection approach: “Three simple words: I am gay” (or if you’re gay, “Three simple words: I am straight”).

Feel free to suggest any other techniques that I haven’t already mentioned.

More stuff that I say

Advertisements

About lildoro

I'm a uni student who procrastinates way too much. I like saying stuff about things.

Posted on January 2, 2011, in Biased opinions about relationships, Mindless Dribble and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. man that’s harsh, you actually made a blog on how you’d reject people. I think the worst is ‘Let’s just be friends’ line. I’M NOT GONNA BE FRIENDS WITH YOU IF IT’S GONNA BE KILLING ME INSIDE WHEN I’M AROUND YOU. And cutting off communication is also terrible. But for someone getting hit on all the time, they probably wouldn’t care yeah? =p

    • haha! Not harsh at all! It’s a helpful guide! Yeah, the let’s just be friends line is bad on the recipient … I totally agree with you. But for the person saying it, I guess it’s the most diplomatic way. It’s the truth, but not the whole painful truth.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: