Am I the only person who finds reading on the toilet weird?
I’ve been told and also noticed in movies and TV shows that people like to and tend to bring a book or newspaper into the lavatory with them to read while they’re taking a dump. Before you think “Ew Dorothy, why the heck are you thinking about other people’s crap (literally), let alone blogging about it?”, let me attempt to indemnify myself of being a weirdo by saying this topic coincidentally arose from some random spark of conversation with other people – I did not sit in front of my computer and think to myself, “Gee I wonder what I’ll write about – I know, reading whilst expelling bodily waste out of one’s anus! Perfect!” Don’t stare at me like that, you should know well by now I have no limits on what I write. I will write about anything and everything! If my blatant way of describing things has disturbed you in the past (refer to my pads on vaginas post), I suggest you get out of this post now.
Anyway, I think this “reading on the toilet” thing is really just a guy thing. According to my extensive research, 0% of girls read whilst they’re doing a number two (please overlook the fact that I only surveyed 5 girls). I’m actually pretty curious as to why guys do it and girls don’t (and yes, I know not all guys do it but I noticed some guys are more inclined to do it than most girls … or perhaps the girls that do read on the toilet just don’t want to admit to it). One of my theories is that it’s because guys aren’t used to sitting on the toilet (whereas girls have to do it either way when they go), and this long period of unfamiliarity causes them to do erratic things like reading so that it doesn’t feel like they’re just sitting there.
Well, I guess I’m not way off. The real reasoning for the reading on the toilet that I’ve been given is that they think just sitting there doing their business for five minutes is too “boring” – they need to be preoccupied and keep busy. Now why doesn’t it surprise me that guys have a short enough attention span in such a way that they can’t even stand expelling waste without making it enjoyable for themselves in some way? And I thought guys were bad at multitasking!
Actually, I’m not too sure why I find it so odd. I think it’s because reading actually makes the experience on the toilet much longer. If you’re doing something enjoyable, chances are you want to stay there and do it for longer. I don’t know about everyone else, but I’d rather have fun with my pants on and in an unenclosed space that doesn’t smell like crap (literally). I guess what I’m trying to say is – sitting on the toilet isn’t exactly a grand pasttime, so why would anyone want to unnecessarily prolong their time doing it? Guys believe that it’s normal to be in there for 10 minutes or more (the ones I’ve been talking to at least), but I don’t think they realise that the reason why they’re in there for that long is because they’re doing some crossword puzzles or reading about terrorist attacks/rapists/the economy in the newspaper, or perhaps getting way too into a Harry Potter book with their pants down.
I personally just go in there, do my business, then leave – and it never takes me any more than 5 minutes. That’s because I don’t extend the time by doing other things! I can read and do sudoku puzzles on a chair, or in fresh air, and it’ll still take the same amount of time as if I had sat on the toilet and did it! If I had the same mentality as the people who do other things whilst on the toilet, then I suppose I’d also read when I’m doing other menial, unpleasant things like vomitting.
Oh and I suppose there’s also the fact that associating human feces with just about anything else other than toilet paper disturbs me a little. Someone (who will remain anonymous) once told me that they were reading the local paper on the toilet and stumbled upon an article I was in, with pictures and everything. I somehow feel uneasy about the idea of being looked at whilst someone is taking a dump…
Anyway, if reading this post hasn’t made you sick enough, feel free to tell me how wrong I am. Or even better yet … please agree with me … someone … anyone!!!