So I hear you got friendzoned

The common definition of the ‘friendzone’ is a place where you are put in by your romantic interest – a place where you can only be considered as a ‘friend’ and no romantic relationship can ever eventuate. Well, my opinion is that the friendzone is really just an excuse everyone makes when they either:

a)      Cannot get with a person they desire; or
b)      Don’t want to sound like a bitch/asshole and use “I only see you as a friend” as an excuse to cover up that they’re unattracted to the other person, which is something that shouldn’t be covered up with pretty lies.

I’ve already discussed the second excuse in one of my very first blog posts. I’d like to now rant about the first category of people who use being “friendzoned” as an excuse as to why they can never get with a girl or guy (usually girl). Okay, so someone has rejected you and broken your heart because you can only ever be a friend in their eyes. Okay, so maybe it seems to happen to you a lot. Okay, so maybe it happens to you every single time. So what should you do?

MOVE. ON.

And what shouldn’t you do?

Become an asshole because “girls don’t like nice guys”

I notice that a lot of guys like to play the “Girls don’t like nice guys and I’m a nice guy, so that’s why I can’t find a girlfriend” card, as if ‘being nice’ is the only possible and plausible explanation in the entire universe as to why they cannot find a girlfriend. “It’s not that I’m unintelligent, desperate, hopelessly unconfident, ugly, old, creepy, don’t have a real job, or clingy – it’s because I’m too nice! What a ridiculously unattractive quality I have!” I’m sorry if I come off as harsh (I’m not really sorry), but the reality is, girls find you unattractive because of some other apparent reason, and not because you are nice. I have dated plenty of nice guys, and I certainly haven’t turned down any guys just because they are too nice. It’s not like my thought process is this: “Okay … so he’s not a serial killer… awesome, he’s good so far. Oh wait, but he’s really nice. Better get my rejection speech ready”.

I find that guys who consciously become jerks in order to get girls are the biggest tools ever – not only do they deny the decent human being within them, they do it just so they can get laid rather than get into a meaningful relationship. The truth is girls don’t date guys because they are jerks. Girls date guys because they’re attracted to them, but the fact that girls happen to date guys that are jerks is purely coincidental. The jerkiness is most likely a result of inflated confidence, and if there’s one thing girls like – it’s confidence. Therefore, ‘confident’ is what you should be aiming to become – not an asshole.

Auto-friendzone yourself

I’m sick of guys complaining about how “Girls always say they want to date a nice guy, but they end up dating jerks because the nice guy is too shy to let her know he likes her and is left in the friend zone”. Uh. So how the is this the girl’s fault?!? A girl can’t read your mind and gets with another guy who has made it known to her that he likes her – oh, that bitch! Instead of trying to do something about it, let’s make a bunch of jokes and memes complaining about girls’ retarded logic! Those dumb girls, why did they go out with those jerks when perfectly eligible nice guys have been around them for years, waiting to catch a break? Sure, those nice guys never actually told the girls how they felt, but obviously it’s not the nice guy’s fault! It’s just that life is so unfair and good things should just happen out of nowhere, right? Wah wah wah wah, I’m in the friend zone.

If you can’t even work up the courage to ask a girl out, you have no right to complain about being friendzoned or being ‘forever alone’. I hate it when guys don’t even try to make a move, citing “I’m in the friendzone” or “She just sees me as a friend” as their reason for not doing so (I call this auto-friendzoning). How do you even know she just sees you as a friend unless you try? Just because a girl calls you her friend or says you’re a good friend, it doesn’t necessarily mean she only sees you as a friend – because a lot of friendships can turn into relationships, and these are always the best ones in my opinion.

The point is: quit bitching about how girls don’t date you because they don’t know you like them. It’s not girls’ logic – it’s common sense. It’s like complaining about how you never win the lottery without ever actually buying a lottery ticket. The sad truth is that those without confidence can’t get anywhere in society – so even though you’re a worthless pile of stinking garbage, have faith in yourself! Not just when you want to ask someone else out, but about how you conduct yourself in everyday life. Girls really do find confidence attractive – but there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance.

And just remember, if you do happen to find yourself consistently in the friendzone, then there are three possible reasons:

1. You’re going for the wrong kind of girls (something you can change);
2. You lack confidence in the way you conduct yourself (something you can change); and
3. The most important – she just doesn’t find you attractive! (And that’s fair enough, I’m sure there are plenty of girls you aren’t attracted to either for your own personal reasons. It’s a fact of life. Deal with it and move on!)

Even if you don’t end up with a girl, it doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. Having a significant other is not a measure of your worth. Don’t let yourself be bothered that you’re alone and focus your time and energy on other things that can bring you satisfaction, like making a bed out of money or buying a dog with a puffy tail.

More stuff that I say

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About lildoro

I'm a uni student who procrastinates way too much. I like saying stuff about things.

Posted on June 24, 2012, in Biased opinions about relationships, Mindless Dribble and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. “so even though you’re a worthless pile of stinking garbage”…ok…I think that any person in his sane mind, and objectively (if that’s possible), would be aware of this, if the person is actually the previous quote, would know and accept the fact that he, even having all the faith that the person may have, just can’t get a girlfriend…so why bother you know?, I think that that is being realistic, not optimist, not pessimist. So if you are in the previous quote…why bother you know?, foccus your energy in something else, and don’t waist time asking out girls or stuff like that, you can try, sure, but I highly doubt that you’ll succeed because, I insist, if you actually are a “worthless pile of stinking garbage” you will never get any girl, and that comes in the “common sense”, that also brings within the “common selection” that has a standard for every women pretty or ugly, if you are ugly, the ugly girls will say that you are ugly and the pretty ones will say it too.

    So again, why bother, foccus all your energy in something that you really need or care about and DON’T WAIST YOUR TIME.

  2. In fact, men nowadays just dont fucking know what to do, you know? If you’re nice (ok, its relative, but cope with me), she thinks you’re a creep or too attached. If you’re a scumbag, well, some like it and some don’t. The fact is that, theres no standard way and men are confused. Should I buy her flowers? Should I open the car’s door? Feminism advocated equal rights for men and women, so should we still give them those treatments? A girl said to me once they liked the “light” version of the jerk, so should we fake our personalities just to attract girls? Oooh the useless rationalization.

    You know what? I say fuck them all. I’m focused on my career, martial arts, traveling, spiritual refinement, my life as a whole. Fuck women, fuck dating, fuck this whole bunch of bullshit that will ultimately lead you to self-destruction. If I need sex, I’ll pay for a hooker.

    Have a nice day.

  3. I like how you got a lot of obvious 9gaggers on this post commenting 🙂

    Good read, you’re good at ranting. Some people do that for a living, you know. I’ll also have you know I agree with all you said.

    If you go lighter on the “I hate it when” stuff, you come off much more intelligent… think about it. When was the last time a genius had to come off mad to prove a point?

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