I’m so excited about the Royal Wedding!!

Tonight is the night of the romantic Royal Wedding and, boy, am I excited!! The two most irrelevant people – to me and to everybody else – are getting married, and their married life will continue to affect me as a person as much as their engaged life, friendship, and strangerhood did. Okay enough with the sarcasm (for this paragraph), I really have been looking forward to this day for a while now – because it will finally end the incessant gossip and unwarranted hype over two mediocre individuals who have done nothing of significance for anybody. I’m sick of people talking about it (and yes I realise it’s ironic that I’m talking about it now) and I’m sick of people gushing over about how big of a deal it is, because frankly, it’s as a big of a deal as me eating a sandwich (which I must admit is at least a slightly bigger deal than this stupid wedding).

I can’t ever watch the nightly news or open the newspaper without seeing some mundane, useless story about the freaking royal wedding. Some of the ‘news’ stories include: someone’s making a special pizza in the shape Prince William and Kate Middleton, there’s a new rumour as to who is designing the bride’s dress, the Queen is meeting the bride’s parents, someone named their shop in honour of the wedding, or some other extremely trivial gossip and/or story that is even remotely related to the main story. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone did a news story about a cloud in the sky that kind of resembles Kate Middleton’s arm.

I just want to know: who the hell cares?? Whoever is sitting behind their TV screen and finding all of this absolutely riveting, I want to find you and kick you in the face (that’s if I could kick…). There is obviously a significant number of people who are intrigued by this farce, otherwise media outlets wouldn’t bother covering it to such a huge degree. The amount and volume of constant media coverage this is getting makes me feel like another 9.1 earthquake hit, or the twin towers got flown into again. Not only is it everywhere in the media, real-life people seem to be talking about how wonderful the “romantic story” of these two uninteresting human beings is.

The people who think this wedding is romantic are probably the same lonely women who use movies like The Notebook as a guide to life and swoon over shitty romantic comedies that always happen to star Julia Roberts. To all these people, I think you should wake up and smell the roses: this wedding is not romantic in any way. Sure, he is a prince and she’s some girl no one’s heard of til now, and has no royal or aristocratic blood in her, but who cares? What does it mean these days to be a royal or aristocratic in a country like England? You’re filthy rich and everyone knows who you are. That’s it. Therefore, this entire ‘royal’ relationship is as much of a big deal as someone like George Clooney picking up some girl off the side of the road that nobody cares about and marrying her. Romantic, isn’t it.

I think people are just entranced by the fact that he is a prince, but have conveniently forgotten that princes don’t ride on white horses and rescue damsels in towers in real life. The fact that they are royalty isn’t an automatic “romantic” sticker on their forehead. Thus, this whole “romantic” bullshit is a clear reflection of how shallow women really are in that they only find money, fame and reputation “romantic”. Because meeting someone with a great personality but humble status through ordinary means like from a friend of a friend is boring and completely unromantic! Marrying a prince doesn’t automatically guarantee you’ll have a happy, romantic ending, you shallow bitches. Take a look at Princess Diana – her prince married another woman that resembles a horse, following a reportedly rocky marriage. Oh yeah, and she’s dead.

Furthermore, the royal family has provided nothing of value to society (at least celebrities give us Hollywood entertainment and whatnot, and aren’t a drain on taxpayer money!!). Those who feel the need to ‘honour’ this wedding must have some delusion in their head that the royal family has actually done something for them. I’m not going to get into a constitutional debate here, but the significance of the British monarchy is at an all time low. Whilst they “technically” have enough political power to run a few countries and islands, in practice they’re nothing more than figureheads. Even if they are technically heads of state, this still doesn’t warrant the ridiculous amount of attention this is getting. Hell, if Julia Gillard (someone who actually has some power over our country) decided to get married, I wonder how many channels will be willing to spend 3+ hours on her wedding? Will people be flocking to the church to spectate, and will there be stupid quizzes and recipes and fashion fold-outs all over the media? I highly doubt it!

I’ll be spending tonight doing my assignments and blocking myself out from anything Royal related, unless it’s news of a death. Now the new season Master Chef this Sunday – that’s something to look forward to.

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